Children & Grief: The Loss of The Family Pet
For many children, the family pet is the heartbeat of the home. The child may have grown up with the animal at their side as a steadfast friend. Youngsters might tell the family dog or cat their secrets, or experience the respite of unconditional love from a furry friend after a tough bout at the playground.
But because children process grief a little differently than adults, and because the subject of death is something the child might not be familiar with—trying to explain the passing of a pet or even decide whether the child should be present for the euthanasia, can be very difficult for parents. Our Grief Support Professionals, who are aware of the delicate and very personal nature of these matters, are on hand for support.
Something we also recommend for parents with young children, are a few beautiful books:
The Invisible Leash: A Story Celebrating Love After the Loss of a Pet, by Patrice Karst. This picture book is a beautiful one that deals with the range of emotions grief can cause (anger, sadness, guilt). It is, in some ways, an adaptation of the Legend of the Red String. Instead of an invisible red thread that connects people, an invisible leash forever connects child and pet.
The Tenth Good Thing About Barney, by Judith Viorst. This story of a young boy in the wake of his cat Barney’s passing is full of simple and eloquent phrases. Viorst, the author of famed children’s book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, has a gift for bringing voice to the page.
The Rainbow Bridge: A Visit To Pet Paradise, by Adrian Raeside. This one is on the spunkier side. It’s a magical fable that finds seven-year-old Rick devastated by the loss of his dog Koko. One night he’s awoken and transported to the paradise where pets who have passed get to live. The place is an assurance that Koko is okay.
A Child’s Response to The Death of A Pet
A child’s knowledge about death depends on so many variables. Have they grown up in a home where death is spoken about? Have they seen it on television or on YouTube? Heard about it in music? Their age and exposure, coupled with household philosophies, will all impact the way they perceive death. The below information offers a very general guide on how our perception of death changes within different age brackets.
Two to Three-Year-Old Children
At two to three years old, a child does not have a firm grasp on death. At this age, most children will easily accept a new pet into the household.
Four to Six-Year-Old Children
Many four to six year-old children understand death but do not fully realize its permanence. They might think that the pet is asleep and will miraculously come back. For some children in this age group, guilt can be triggered. They might believe that past bad behaviour or anger caused the pet’s death. Symptoms that can arise from children coping with grief are bladder or bowel problems, and changes in sleeping or eating patterns. Encouraging the child to express how they are feeling, sometimes through writing or drawing pictures of the pet, can be helpful.
Seven to Nine-Year-Old Children
At this age, children understand that death is permanent. Many are concerned that parents might die, too. It is not unusual for children at this age to show curiosity and question death. A grieving child at this age might exhibit antisocial behavior, aggression, or become clingy.
Ten to Eleven-Year-Old Children
Ten and 11 year-old children are likely to know that death is inevitable. At this age, they will typically react to death in a way that mirrors their parent’s attitude.
Adolescents Reaction to Pet Loss
An adolescent’s emotions can run the gamut of lack of concern to an almost hyper-emotional state. At this age, peer approval matters a great deal, and adolescent children will often turn to their friends for support when dealing with the loss of a pet.
If you would like to talk to us or have any other questions for the Vet, please call 0480 022 231, send us an email at info@loyalandloved.com.au or get in touch with us here.
No question is too big or small, as even the smallest detail can make a big difference.